All's Well That Ends Well

Silver Dollar City's Outlaw Run Roller Coaster - NOT My Most Exciting Ride of the Day

 

Saturday dawned clear, cool and dry, and that is a rare combination of adjectives for describing July weather in the Show Me State.  On the docket was a family road trip to Branson and Silver Dollar City. 

Our first stop was at Dunn Brothers Coffee for 20 ounces of French-roasted happiness before joining our son’s family for the ride south to Branson.  Actually, Dunn Brothers was our first scheduled stop.  Our first stop came sooner than planned when I backed out of our garage directly into the vehicle of a friend who had spent the night at our house and made the mistake of parking in front of our garage door.  That took a little luster off the morning.

“Oh, well . . .” said my wife, trying to find the silver lining.   “At least no one was injured!” 

Not unless you count my pride.

The day improved after that.  I suppose if you are going to crash your car into something, you might as well do it first thing in the morning and get it out of the way.  The odds are pretty good nothing worse is going to happen to you the rest of the day so you can relax.

On 76 Highway we joined a slow-moving stream of cars for the final 1.1 miles of stop-and-go traffic to Silver Dollar City, with a lot more stop than go.  We were directed on past Silver Dollar City by parking attendants to Lot 5.  Best I can tell the numbers on the parking lots coincide with the number of miles they are from the front gate.   Not that that is a problem.   For my 5-year-old grandson, the tram ride TO the park was just as exciting as the attractions INSIDE the park.

The good news is that the weather was outstanding on Saturday, unlike on Friday when it rained for most of the day.  The bad news is that, unlike on Friday when only 4,000 stalwart souls visited the park, our family was joined by 20,992 other fun-seekers on Saturday.  Per a clerk I talked to, that's about 3000 above average.  

About the low attendance on Friday, the sales clerk said “During my shift  Friday I sold 2 t-shirts, $400 worth of rain gear, and a shot glass.”  I guess that proves there's more than one way to deal with the rain. 

The lines were long for everything on Saturday.  I can only imagine how crowded the park would have been if most people weren’t standing in lines.  The ultimate line came last when my son and I parted company with our less courageous family members to go ride Outlaw Run, Silver Dollar City’s new wooden roller coaster.

After waiting in line for a few minutes we saw a sign up ahead with the approximate wait time.  115 minutes.  At first I thought it was an hour and fifteen minutes.  I was wrong.  The wait was five minutes shy of 2 hours, or about the same amount of time it took us to drive from Jefferson City to Springfield.   I will experience Outlaw Run another day.  I had planned to save the most exciting ride of the day for last.  Instead it happened in my own driveway.

For your entertainment, here is a video taken by a passenger in the front seat of Outlaw Run.  Take a Dramamine and enjoy:

 

Now Departing From . . . ?

Walter Cronkite, along with Seinfeld's Julia Louis-Dreyfus and his spouse Betsy

 

Betsy Maxwell Cronkite, wife of iconic American broadcaster Walter Cronkite, once said “Errol Flynn died on a 70-foot boat with a 17-year-old girl.  Walter has always wanted to go that way, but he’s going to have to settle for a 17-foot boat and a 70-year-old.”  Though Walter was kidding (probably), have you ever considered where you would like to be when you check out? 

Today I rode the Katy Trail.  It was very hot and humid, which I don’t mind.  But, if I should one day overestimate my tolerance for heat and cash in my chips in the middle of the Katy Trail between here and Hartsburg that would be fine with me.  I would only wish for two things:

1.      That no one felt the urge to pass new legislation to stop people from riding the Katy Trail when it’s hot.  ;  and

2.     That someone discovers the late me on or alongside the trail before the turtles do.

The last conscious breath my mom and both of my granddad’s took was safe in their own homes after a spending a great day with their family.  You can’t ask for better than that.  In fact, at age 85, one of my granddads had all his camping & fishing gear laid out in preparation for a 3-day float trip on Arkansas’s Buffalo National River.  Unfortunately, after he laid out his camping gear, he got laid out before he had a chance to use it.

A friend told me his dad died in his workshop, one of his favorite places.  Another died after putting his boat on the trailer after spending the day fishing - hard to beat that.  Especially if someone else had to clean the fish.

When we lived in Springfield, a woman came running into the Sears store at the Battlefield Mall where a friend of mine worked.  “Please help me!” she said to my friend.  “I think my brother is having a heart attack outside in my car!” 

He was.  Luckily, a nurse was one of the people that responded.  As the nurse was administering emergency treatment with no apparent response, the man’s sister said “I can’t believe it.  My brother has been all over the world and he is going to die in the parking lot at Sears!” 

And so he did, probably not his first choice.

Sam Levenson once recommended that if you should die in an elevator to remember to push the up button.  Jarod Kintz suspected that people who die in Detroit and go to hell probably think they are in heaven. 

And now, for the rest of the story on Walter Cronkite.  Oh, wait – that’s the tag line of another famous broadcaster.  Mr. Cronkite died on July 17, 2009 at age 92.  It was not on a boat.  According to his son, Chip, Mr. Cronkite succumbed to “complications of dementia”.  He once said that, after he retired, people would stop him and ask “Didn’t you used to be Walter Cronkite?”    Cruel that dementia could turn a laugh line into reality.  But if the stoical Mr. Cronkite, a man who covered tragedies and triumphs, assassinations and moon landings, had to report on his own death, everyone who ever listened to him knows exactly how he would have summarized his own fate:

“And that’s the way it is . . .”

At least it wasn’t in the parking lot at Sears.

Jump, Jive, Swing, Hop & Eat

A Full House Awaits Showtime at Tonanzio's

The Grand Finale by an Energetic Cast

The population of Guthrie, Mo experienced a marked, albeit brief, increase for three nights last weeks.  Tonanzio's restaurant presented an elaborate dinner show by the name of Jump, Jive, Swing & Hop - An Incredible Musical Journey.  Most of our neighborhood was there Friday night.

Tonanzio's is a large restaurant that is (excuse me, Guthrie residents) located in the middle of nowhere.  When I've mentioned Tonanzio's to friends who have grown up in this area their response has been uniform:  "Wow!  Is that place still open?"   They typically have been there for a wedding reception or similar gathering some time prior to the current millennium.  Run by Tom Dawson, Tonanzio's is now part of the non-profit Sportsman Research & Cultural Arts Foundation, Inc, which also includes Cedar Lake Lodge, Safari Unlimited, Dance Ovations, the Museum Dining Room, Cedar Lake fishing and the Sportsman Chapel.  And yes, it is still open.

Prior to and, at times, during the show, the full house crowd was entertained by the impressive Liberty Jazz Band from Mexico (Mo).  The buffet dinner was good, though my favorite Tonanzio's dish is deep-fried crappie.  I know of no other restaurant that serves crappie and Tonanzio's is excellent.  It is only available in their restaurant,  however, and not their dinner show buffet line.

Attending a Tonanzio's dinner show is like stepping back in time.  Located in the basement, the stucco walls and black and white linoleum floor could pass for my vision of a 1920's speakeasy.  And the 1920's is where the show started.  Dance Ovations and Studio B performed songs and dances from the Charleston to Hip Hop, from Fat's Waller's Ain't Misbehavin' (1929) to Rihanna's We Found Love (2011).

Though the majority of the crowd qualified for the senior discount, the majority of the cast was in high school or college.  It's a good thing - the two hours of non-stop singing and high energy dancing they performed would kill most people over 60.

If you want to try something different & interesting next time you dine out, I'd recommend dinner at Tonanzio's.  One word of caution:  if you don't like stuffed animals, Tonanzio's may not be for you.  The restaurant's Museum Dining Room didn't get that name by accident.  It's like a museum decorated by big game hunters.  Tonanzio's is open limited hours.  You can check to make sure they will be open when you want to visit by calling 573-680-2466.  It is located at 8285 State Road J, Guthrie, Mo. 65063.

And if you are looking for a Jazz/Dixieland band, consider Liberty Jazz Band from Mexico, Mo.  They were very impressive.  You can contact David Reetz at 573-253-5273, or visit their website at:  http://www.libertyjazz.net










 

Still Pretty Perky for her Age

Two of Frankenstein's favorite sons, Rich Samson (center) & Gary Kremer (right)

An area craftsman offering handcrafted wren houses for sale

Early Saturday morning my wife and I headed east to Osage county with our neighbor, Rich Samson.  The occasion was the Sesquicentennial of Our Lady Help of Christian’s parish in Frankenstein, Mo. 

Though Mary Shelley’s famous book about the Frankenstein monster was published in 1818 when Shelley was only 19 years old, that has nothing to do with how Frankenstein, Mo was named.  Frankenstein was named for the farmer who donated the land for the church, Gottfried Franken,  and the material comprising the church’s outer walls - "stein" - the German word for stone. 

Frankenstein!

To say the Frankenstein area is somewhat hilly is like saying the U.S. tax code is “somewhat long”.  As we parked I heard a word of advice from a local:  “Better set your parking brake or your car might roll all the way back down to Linn!”

We arrived at 9 am and things were already hopping.  Dozens of vendors were displaying their wares.  By the time the parade started at 10 am we had already purchased a Frankenstein sesquicentennial t-shirt, 3 sesquicentennial coolie cups, 4 postcards of different eras during the parish’s past 150 years of service, 3 bags of kettle corn and a wren house shaped like a covered wagon.

At 10 am a parade led by an honor guard proceeded from the ball field to the church parking lot.  The spotlight was on old cars, old tractors, old fire engines, veterans, and more than a few old people.  In the parade was Goldie Kliethermes, the oldest woman in the parish, Wilford Kremer, the oldest man in the parish, and Caroline Starke, who at 88 boasts the longest continuous church membership.  In Sunday’s News Tribune I read that a relative described Caroline as follows:  “She’s pretty perky for as old as she is!”  That immediately became my new favorite way to describe my wife (from a safe distance).

We grabbed a bite to eat after the parade (1 hamburger, 1 brat, 2 bags of potato chips and 2 bottled waters – total cost $5.50) so that we could get good seats for a presentation on the history of the community scheduled for noon.  Frankenstein has a pretty good resource for compiling the community's history.  Gary Kremer, Executive Director of the Historical Society of Missouri and the author of a small library of fascinating history books about this area, grew up in Frankenstein.   He began his presentation with “Hello, my name is Gary Kremer and my roots run pretty deep here”.  What followed was a fascinating history of the church and the Frankenstein community.  Gary interspersed his presentation with insightful first-person recollections of many important events of the last 50+ years, including national events like his memories of the Pittsburgh Pirates amazing win over the heavily-favored New York Yankees on a ninth inning Bill Mazeroski home run in the seventh game of the 1960 World Series.    A twelve-year-old Mickey Mantle fan at the time, that day still brings a tear to my eye.

Saturday was an enjoyable day of reflection and hugging in the only town named Frankenstein in the United States.  Hundreds, maybe thousands, of past and present members of Our Lady Help of Christians Parish and area residents gathered to celebrate the amazing history of the beautiful stone church their ancestors sacrificed to build high atop a rocky hilltop in Osage county, Mo.  I suspect my wife and I may have been the only 2 people present who were not related to anyone else in attendance, but we were honored to watch and learn.  And I'm certain, as a result of our visit, an unsuspecting family of Cole county wrens is going to be pleasantly surprised to discover a cozy new covered wagon bird house with a sturdy green metal roof ready for occupancy.

If you would like a copy of the remarkable book on the history of Frankenstein written by Gary Kremer, call Betty Chillington (573-897-4354) or Doris Keilholz (573-763-5947). 



A Heartache Tonight Brought a Smile to my Face

Jefferson City's Salute to America Celebration

Heartache Tonight Rocks Jefferson City With Thomas Jefferson Peering over the Canopy

Ominous clouds drifted in from the south and thunder rumbled as my wife and I headed into Jefferson City in a Mercury minivan filled with neighbors and bag chairs last night.  We arrived just as the parade kicking off the Capitol’s Salute to America was ending.  Hungry residents were streaming from the parade route to a row of food vendors offering their wares on High Street between the Capitol and the Supreme Court.

After strategically erecting our bag chairs on a patch of green immediately adjacent to VIP seating, we went in search of food.  The choices were many.  Walking slowly, we considered the individual merits of Jamaican jerk chicken, BBQ sandwiches, corn dogs, Philly cheese steaks, turkey legs, brats, and good old-fashioned hamburgers featuring a half-pound of charcoaled ground beef and all the fixin’s.  Though I witnessed none, I could imagine vegan’s running screaming from the area with their hands over their eyes. 

Back in our chairs with our butts hovering inches above the lush grass of the Capitol lawn, the cool breeze this area gets every 15 years or so on July 4 made it seem more like late September than early July.  As the opening ceremonies began a rotund woman behind me talked on her cell phone in a voice a few decibels higher than the emcee who had the benefit of a P.A. system.  “HANG ON !” she shouted into her phone.  “WE ARE GOING TO SAY THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE NOW!”

Maybe it was the dropping barometer that school teachers dread.  I don’t know.  But it was a restless crowd that surrounded us.  Cell phones ringing, people weaving in and out of the audience like bees on a hive – and, though we had dodged the first storm, another dark cloud in the southwest seemed to be edging in our direction.

On the stage erected on the south lawn of the Capitol, festival organizers led the crowd in paying tribute to our vets and the sponsors.  A prayer and the pledge of allegiance, taboo in some parts of the U.S. but cherished here in Jefferson City, began the ceremony.

As the sun dropped below the horizon the main attraction took the stage.  With a giant statue of Thomas Jefferson peering over their shoulders, Heartache Tonight, a six man Eagles tribute group, revved up their instruments.  Formed in 1971 when some in the crowd were still serving in Viet Nam, Nixon occupied the White House, and I was single, the Eagles still pack in the crowds.   For an October Eagles concert in Tulsa, I found 523 tickets still available.  The cheapest was $121.  The most expensive was $1508.  Tickets to the Heartache Tonight - Eagles Tribute concert on the Capitol lawn were more in my price range – free!

The group began a guided tour down memory lane.  After a few songs the crowd became more attentive.  The two women in front of me even ceased sending text messages and showing each other the responses, lighted screens flashing in the night.

Seven Bridges Road

Already Gone

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Tequila Sunrise

Life in the Fast Lane

Lyin’ Eyes

Take it Easy

Best of my Love

Witchy Woman

Already Gone

Take it to the Limit

New Kid in Town

Take it Easy

Love Will Keep Us Alive

And more, and more, and more; and even their namesake song

Heartache Tonight.

For two solid hours, with no breaks, Heartache Tonight rocked Jefferson City.   It is often said “It ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings”.  Well, maybe that's not said quite so often anymore.  But even if the fat lady behind me did put down her phone and sing,  I knew this concert wouldn't, COULDN'T, end without the group singing Hotel California.  Which they did, and despite the lyric "you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave", they then left.

“What about Desperado?” asked my neighbor.  And, as if in response to her plea, Heartache Tonight reappeared and sang Desperado, plus a couple more songs.   Then they really did leave,  a well satisfied crowd in their wake.

As I struggled in the dark to get my bag chair back into the bag, a guy in front of me expressed his satisfaction.  “Worth every penny!” he said.

 

Well said!   And for the first time in my life I am able to say “I really did enjoy a Heartache Tonight".

 

(And it never rained a drop.)