Winter Storm Names - Khan You Dig it?

The Weather Channel has announced a plan to give parity to winter storms by naming them just like the National Weather Service does for hurricanes and tropical storms. They have chosen to name the storms mainly after mythic Greek gods, though if we make it to "K" (God forbid!), the name selected is Khan, as in Genghis Khan. Mr. Khan was a Mongolian conqueror and emperor of the Mongol empire. It is estimated that 16 million men throughout Asia carry a Y-chromosome indicating they are descended from him. When Mr. Khan wasn't fighting, it seems he spent most of his leisure time doing the horizontal mambo.

Genghis Khan

Well, I have a suggestion. Instead of mythical characters, why not name the storms after all-too-real winter medical conditions? I will forever associate our 2011 Groundhog Day blizzard with the bronchitis I got as a souvenir from the 20-inch snowfall I spent hours trying to remove from our driveway.

Here is The Weather Channel list of names followed by my suggestions:

A - Athena - Greek goddess of wisdom, courage, inspiration, justice, math and all things wonderful.

B - Brutus - Roman Senator and assassin of Julius Caesar

C - Caesar

D - Draco (Athenian legislator)

E - Euclid - Greek mathematician, father of geometry

F - Freyr - Norse god associated with fair weather

G - Gandolf - character in a 1896 fantasy novel

H - Helen (Helen of Troy, daughter of Zeus)

I - Iago (Enemy of Othello in Shakespearean play)

J - Jove (English name for Jupiter, Roman god of light and sky)

K - Khan (Mongolian conqueror who originated phrase “Who’s your daddy?”)

L - Luna (divine embodiment of the moon in Roman mythology)

M - Magnus - European name for Charlemagne the Great, Carolus Magnus

N - Nemo (means “nobody” in Latin; means big bucks in animated movies about an abducted fish)

O - Orko, thunder god in Basque mythology

P - Plato, Greek philosopher and mathematician

Q - Q, as in the Broadway Express subway line in New York City

R - Rocky, a single mountain in the Rockies.

S - Saturn, Roman god of time and namesake of planet Saturn

T - Triton, messenger of the deep sea, son of Poseidon

U - Ukko - Finnish god of the sky and weather

V - Virgil, Ancient Roman poet

W - Walda, German name meaning “ruler”

X - Xerxes - 4th king of the Persian Achaemenid Empire, Xerxes the Great

Y - Yogi, people who do yoga.

Z - Zeus - Mythical Greek supreme ruler of Mount Olympus

Note - Four of these names are found on the menu at Arris Pizza.

Now for my suggestions - not quite as high-falutin’, but I don’t think anyone will need an explanation, like they might with Ukko and Walda. All are associated with winter ailments and much more identifiable to the average person than Freyr or Euclid.

A - Achy

B - Bronchitis

C - Cough

D - Dizzy

E - Emergency Room

F - Fever

G - Guisendheidt

H - Headache

I - Infection

J - Joint pain

K - Kleenex

L - Laryngitis

M - Mucous

N - Nauseous

O - Oops (usually associated with winter storm “Trots“)

P - Pneumonia

Q - Queasy

R - Rash

S - Snot

T - Trots (see “oops”)

U - Urgent Care

V - Vomit

W - Whooping cough

X - X-ray

Y - Yuck

Z - Zombie

Many thanks to my wife for her assistance with this blog. Although the temperature has not yet dipped below freezing, she has experienced 22 of the 26 items on my list just since Labor Day. Don’t worry  trots, oops, vomit and rash - I’m sure she’ll get around to you before we move the clocks forward next Spring.

Maybe even before we move them back this fall.