As the Wheels Turn

As Yogi Berra once said, “You can observe a lot just by watching”.   On our recent southern roadtrip, I took Yogi’s advice.  I had plenty of time.  By the time we returned, our trip odometer showed we had traveled 3267.5 miles.  By my calculation, an 18-inch wheel would make 3,161,168 revolutions while traveling that distance.  That’s plenty of time to observe Americana, and what’s more American than advertising your home state while you are on the road. 

Alabama has one of my favorite license plates.  Residents can choose between “GOD BLESS AMERICA” or “SWEET HOME ALABAMA”.  Their license plates used to say “STARS FELL ON ALABAMA”, but that’s not an option on new plates.  Russia may want to claim that slogan after the recent meteor strike there.

Georgia, Indiana, and South Carolina residents all have the option to declare “IN GOD WE TRUST” on their license plate.  Missouri residents can, for an extra fee, include “GOD BLESS AMERICA” on their license plates.  In fact, Missouri has over 200 specialty license plates available, from AIR FORCE to I HAVE A DREAM to ZETA PHI BETA.  Maybe the motto of our DMV should be “IF YOU’VE GOT THE MONEY, HONEY, WE’VE GOT THE PLATE!”  If you don’t want to fork over extra money for your plates in Missouri, you get a miniature blue bird and the words SHOW ME STATE (No Dash), which replaced SHOW-ME STATE (With a dash) in 2008. 

Californian's license plates used to advertise their state as “THE GOLDEN STATE” until they ran out of gold.  Now their plates say simply & unimaginatively, DMV.CA.GOV.

Utah residents can choose either LIFE ELEVATED (not bad) or GREATEST SNOW ON EARTH (definitely no inducement to get me to travel there in January).  And while the Civil War is long since decided, Illinois and Indiana residents are still fighting over our leader during the Civil War.  Illinois plates say LAND OF LINCOLN, while LINCOLN’S BOYHOOD HOME in an option on the license plate of Indiana residents.

Some states advertise food, as in Idaho’s FAMOUS POTATO’S, while other’s advertise activities like Louisiana’s SPORTSMAN’S PARADISE, probably soon to be changed to DUCK DYNASTY.

Personally, in January, I like the way Floridian’s think when they advertise their state as THE SUNSHINE STATE, though they may want to copy after Louisiana soon and offer a PYTHON HUNTER’S PARADISE plate now that the Everglades are slithering with them.

If your license plate doesn’t effectively communicate your feelings, you can always find a bumper sticker to help out.  While waiting outside an Orlando Barnes & Noble for my wife to purchase every available DVD of Downton Abbey, I parked next to a car with a bumper sticker with the letters WWSD?  Reading closer, those initials stood for “What Would Scooby Do?”  Probably let his spouse buy every available Downton Abbey DVD if he's smart.

And, in the “Ask and you may just receive” department, I passed an 18-wheeler right here in Jefferson City with a poetic request on the trailer.  It said:

Give me a break

As you go on your way

Show me your (insert slang word for “breasts” here)

And make my day!

I wonder what Yogi would say about that?