Urine a Lot of Trouble!

I spent a good part of the weekend watching the NCAA’s “March Madness” on TV, including watching the MU Tigers breeze through the first two rounds to earn a spot in the “Sweet 16”. 

Oh, wait.  April fool’s Day is NEXT week.  Forget what I just said.

One thing fans are now treated to are periodic game delays where referees take a break, go to the scorer’s table, and watch replay’s on the monitor to determine if the most recent bloody/broken nose, and/or concussion, and/or compound fracture was the result of a “FLAGRANT 1” or “FLAGRANT 2” foul.  As near as I can tell, “FLAGRANT 1” is defined as “violently striking an opponent but making it appear to be “accidental” or “a normal basketball play”, while  “Flagrant 2” is “violently striking an opponent with no attempt to make it look accidental”.   Based on an article forwarded to me today by a fellow basketball fan, I believe there may be room for a “Flagrant 3” foul.

According to the Associated Press, four members of the Cassville, Mo girls basketball team are in hot (or maybe just warm) water for allegedly “urinating into a cup and then pouring the contents of the cup into the Monett, Mo girls’ team water cooler” prior to a game in Cassville on February 4.  I have two questions for the Cassville girls’ basketball team: 

1.     Monett entered the game with a record of 1-14.  Was it really necessary to put urine into their water cooler to gain an edge?   

2.     You can urinate into a cup?  (I thought that was a “guy” thing).

Therefore, my proposed “Flagrant 3” foul would be defined as:

1.      Peeing and/or hocking a loogie into the other team’s water cooler;

2.      Any attempt to disguise human and/or animal waste, large insects or dead rodents as an “energy snack” by coating them with chocolate (even dark chocolate) and offering them to the opposing team.

Sure, DNA testing to determine who committed the Flagrant 3 foul could delay the game quite a bit, but wouldn’t it be worth it to make sure the only reason a team leaves town with a bad taste in it's collective mouth is because they played poorly?

In the spirit of forgiveness, the principal of Monett High School has officially encouraged Monett parents “not to retaliate”. 

(Interpretation: Cassville residents - just how secure is your water tower?)