Family Roadtrip - Generations in a Minivan - Leaving Home

Are We There Yet?

After a less-than-sound sleep, typical of the night before a roadtrip for me, we headed out to meet our travel companions: our kids, grandkids, and our grandkids other grandparents. Shortly after I made the reservations for this trip in February gas prices began to escalate. Dire predictions of $5-$7 a gallon were common. Like the weather, gas prices are notoriously hard to predict and prone to attention-grabbing dire headlines. The highest prices on day 1 of our trip were, not surprisingly, in Jefferson City at $3.39 a gallon.

Headed south down 63 Highway our roadside vista included parched cornstalks and drought-stressed trees. Near Houston (Mo) a roadside business advertised “Antiques, Collectibles and Computer Repair”. Now THAT’S the kind of adaptability America needs to solve the current unemployment crisis.

Our first night on the road found us at a Hampton Inn in Canton, Ms. In addition to the comfortable beds and great breakfasts we’ve come to expect at Hampton Inns, this property featured something new: power toilets. A flick of the handle was followed immediately by a gust of wind, a loud noise, and a Niagara-like rush of water. Hanging onto small children is highly recommended, though if they happen to be constipated, the toilets should scare the you-know-what out of them.

After unpacking we went in search of dinner. My son found a local place with superb ratings on Urbanspoon. The cuisine was advertised as “home-cookin’ and soul food”. Off we went in search of that restaurant. When the GPS announced we were “arriving at destination, on right”, all we found was an empty building. Dang this economy!

As we drove around in search of an alternate eating establishment we noticed 2 things:

1. We were the minority.   The population of Canton is over 80 percent African American;  and,

2. Many of the downtown commercial establishments had bars on the windows. This may give the merchant a greater feeling of security, but it did nothing to make us feel secure. 

Canton is known as “The Movie Capital of Mississippi”. Notable movies filmed in Canton are "Biker Zombies from Detroit", “Mississippi Burning” and the John Grisham-inspired movie, “A Time to Kill”.

Canton has a very beautiful, old-fashioned square, City Park, and Courthouse. Though I usually take an evening stroll around any city we visit, I decided against taking a stroll around Canton.  A later check on crime statistics in Canton seemed to justify my decision.  According to neighborhoodscout.com's crime statistics, on a scale of 1 to 100 with 100 being the safest, Canton is rated a "1".  It is safer than 1 percent of U.S. cities.  Maybe that's why the biker zombies headed there from Detroit.  I was tired anyway, and it was late when we finished dinner.    If I had gone on my walk it's possible one of my all-time favorite movies that was also filmed in Canton might have been the next day's headline.

That movie?

“Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?”

Election Rally Scene Filmed on Canton
Square

　

A Family Roadtrip - Three Generations in a Minivan - Getting Ready

For centuries on end humans have associated the seven seas with adventure. Exploration, recreation, commerce and fighting have all taken place on or near the beautiful blue waters that cover 71% of Earth's surface. Coincidentally, those activities pretty much describe our 2012 family vacation to Orange Beach, Alabama. According to Trip Advisor, the name Orange Beach has nothing to do with oil spills. Instead, the name was coined due to the large orange and citrus groves that were once prominent in the area.

Past travel experiences have taught me the wisdom of the following quote:  when preparing for a trip, lay out all the clothes and all the money you plan to take on your trip. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.

Possibly the biggest innovation in history of road trips is the invention of the GPS. What I once considered unnecessary due to my innate sense of direction is now an indispensable part of any family road trip we take. This year I decided to personalize our GPS a little. Where we once had only “American Jack” and “American Jill” voices to choose from, I have now also added “Garmin Dave” and “Squirrelly”. Those voices were available for download free. I would like to have also added Yoda (“guide you, I will“) and Darth Vader (“come over to the dark side!“), but those “premium” voices cost $9.99 each.

Also available at the Garmin Garage was a veritable fleet of vehicle icons from which to choose. Our GPS selections now include a train, a four-leaf clover, a station wagon with a full luggage rack, and a classic ‘67 GTO to indicate our progress along the route chosen for us by the GPS. Those icons were all available for free.

A part of preparation for any trip is arranging for someone to keep an eye on our home and animals. This year we were fortunate to procure (at a very reasonable cost!) the services of a former mafia hit-man turned government-informant. The government needed a place for him to stay under the terms of his witness protection agreement and we needed someone to keep an eye on our home. Bingo! Though our house-sitter (I’ll just call him “Big Louie”) is prohibited from having any firearms, he says he never needed them before and he should be able to protect our home just fine with his bare hands. He is also bringing his pit bull Loco along as a sort of early-warning mechanism if any intruders should wander on to our property.

So, with all “final arrangements” in place (that’s what Big Louie called them) we were ready to hit the road.

But first . . . a good night’s sleep! Then off on the open road to partake of the inevitable wonder and surprises awaiting us.  Let our GPS and our imagination take us where they may!  As John Steinbeck said “A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.

                                                         It's a big world, baby!

Sleepless in Missouri

A few nights ago I woke up at 3 AM. Unable to go back to sleep, I checked my email and responded to one from a friend in KC. Minutes later a new email appeared in my inbox from the same guy. "You can't sleep either?" he asked.   It's not unusual.   Approximately 60 million Americans - 1 in 5 - experience at least occasional bouts of sleeplessness.

I don't recall ever having trouble sleeping when I was a kid.  Heck, I don't remember ever having trouble sleeping until I got out of college, got married and started a career.  Perhaps there is a clue there as to possible causes of insomnia.

I have accumulated the following words of wisdom regarding sleep, or the lack thereof, for your consideration:

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one" - Leo J. Burke

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book" - Irish proverb.

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast" - anon

"People who snore always fall asleep first" - anon

"Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds" - JoJo Jensen

"Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up" - anon

"Fatigue makes cowards of us all" - Vince Lombardi

"I'm not asleep . . . but that doesn't mean I'm awake" - anon

Missouri's own Dale Carnegie had this advice for insomniacs: "If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep."

Maybe insomnia is something writers have in common.  Shakespeare expressed it like this:.“O Sleep, O Gentle Sleep, Natures Soft Nurse, How Have I Frightend Thee, That Thou No More Wilt Weigh my Eye-Lids Down And Steep My Senses In Forgetfulness?” 

William Wordsworth wrote a poem about insomnia:

A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by
One after one;  the sound of rain, and bees
Murmuring;  the fall of rivers, winds and seas,
Smooth fields, white sheets of water, and pure sky -
I've thought of all by turns, and still I lie
Sleepless . . .


My personal remedy for going back to sleep is a glass of milk and a book. As Tracy Chevalier noted "It is a rare book that wins the battle against drooping eyelids."  In fact, for readers of this blog I offer a sure cure for insomnia - go back and read the archives of this blog (not responsible for injuries caused by hitting your head on your keyboard while reading this blog).

Read This Blog and You Will Be Asleep in No Time!

　

　

　

　

　

A Time to Run and a Time to Stand

Jason Holmes

In Colorado, cold, calculating killer Jason Holmes opened fire on a crowded theater.  Surprisingly, though Colorado issues "concealed carry" permits, not one person fired back.  The resulting bloodbath brought back images of the 1999 Columbine massacre.  If a couple of people had been legally carrying handguns in that theater, it's possible that lives might have been saved even though the killer was wearing head-to-toe body armor.   The armor might have stopped the bullets from penetrating Jason Holmes body but studies I have read say that it still hurts.  Depending on the caliber of bullet, the pain can range from a hornet sting to getting hit with a baseball bat.  I'm guessing for a coward like Jason Holmes, a few bullets coming back at him would have caused him to turn and run.  He obviously did not go there intending to die. 

A robbery in Florida had a much happier ending.  Two men burst into an internet cafe.  One had a gun.  The other had a baseball bat he used to smash a computer screen to get everyone's attention.  It worked.  He got the attention of 71-year-old Samuel Williams who was there with his wife.  You can see what happened next by watching the following video:

http://www.myfoxorlando.com/story/19035444/customer-shoots-suspects-during-internet-cafe-robbery

Davis Dawkins

Samuel "Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?" Williams in action

The would-be robbers were identified as Duwayne Henderson, 19, and Davis Dawkins, also 19.   Both men were wounded.  Henderson was shot in what Forrest Gump would refer to as his "butt-tock."    Said Henderson "The plan was to barge in, get the money, and leave.  I never expected anyone to be armed."   In Florida, robbers might want to revise that expectation.  Nearly 1 out of every 19 Florida residents can legally carry a concealed weapon, and that number is growing rapidly.   Samuel Williams showed he knew what to do when the need arose.  Henderson described what happened when Mr. Williams took offense at being robbed and calmly approached the robbers firing his weapon:  "I turned to run and my leg gave out.  That was when I got shot.  I hit the ground and he was still shooting.  I thought I was going to die.  But by the grace of God, my leg came back!  I ran!"

Duwayne "Feet, Don't Fail Me Now!" Henderson

Henderson and Dawkins, a former employee of the internet cafe, were both apprehended while receiving medical treatment and are now in jail.  The D.A. said he anticipates no charges will be filed against Mr. Williams.  
My only beef with this entire story is that numerous headlines referred to Mr. Williams as "elderly".   Though you can definitely see "elderly" from age 71, I believe Mr. Williams would take exception with being referred to as "elderly" at age 71. 


Based on his swift reaction to the hold-up, I think he also takes exception at being interrupted when he's forking over 25 cents a minute to use an internet cafe.

Keeping the Milk of Human Kindness Flowing



The Honest Approach

Though it pales in comparison to larger cities, I've noticed an increase in panhandling in and around Jefferson City lately.  The other day a guy was standing by the WalMart exit with a sign that read "TRYING TO MAKE IT TO SOUTH DAKOTA OIL FIELDS - NEED $$."  I tried not to make eye contact and prayed the light would change soon.  My gut feeling is that any money I fork over to  panhandlers will be spent on what probably got them in trouble in the first place - booze or drugs.  Maybe not.  At least the guy in the picture to the left is being honest.


The kind of panhandler I avoid most is the hostile/aggressive type.  I encountered an intoxicated Native American in Winslow, Arizona once while waiting for my wife to come out of the rest area restroom.  "Hey, give me some money!" he demanded.  "No", I said politely.  "Awww, come on!  Give me a couple of bucks!"  "No", I repeated firmly.  "YOU'RE SO KIND!" he said loudly.  Just then, my wife came out of the john and approached the car.  "Is this your husband?"  the Indian asked my wife.  "Yes" she replied.  "HE'S SO KIND!" the Indian repeated.  As we drove away, the Indian kept hollering "YOU'RE SO KIND!"  Ah, that's the stuff vacation memories are made of.

I encountered my favorite panhandler of all-time on Times Square in Manhattan.  As my wife and son and I made our way in an elbow-to-elbow crowd, a black guy in a wheelchair caught my attention.  As I walked by, he politely asked "Would you like to make a contribution to the United Negro Pizza Fund?"  I didn't, but I've wished ever since then that I had.

In Akron, Ohio, a woman identified only as "Chrissie" is seeking public assistance to meet her needs.  She is standing on an Akron corner clad in a bikini.  If that wasn't enough to draw attention, she is holding a sign that says:  NOT HOMELESS - NEED BOOBS.  Chrissie is trying to raise $5,058 for breast implants - and it's working.  It's working so well that it has other area panhandlers grumbling.  Chrissie made $46 in her first two hours standing on the curb. 


Chrissie says she works as a bartender and makes enough money for food and lodging but not enough for a boob job.  To be perfectly honest, I think Chrissie looks fine just the way she is.  Nevertheless,  if I lived in Akron and passed Chrissie on the street I might kick in a few bucks (provided my wife wasn't with me).

According to Nelson Henderson, "The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit."    When you stop to think about it, I think this might fall into that category. 

Sweet Home Alabama (for 1-5 years)



Coach Birmingham (on right)

Coach Bill Anderson, Gary "Herkimer" Presley, Doug Reece

My wife and I took a leisurely drive to Springfield on Saturday. The hard-working class reunion committee of Hillcrest High School's "class of '66" had planned a little get-together. Doling Park, once home to an amusement park and a roller rink on Springfield's north side, now boasts a first-class senior center. That was the site of Saturday's luncheon/reunion.

One of the first people I ran into was legendary baseball coach, Dick Birmingham. Six players from Hillcrest's "class of '66" were drafted in Major League's Baseball draft, a national record. Coach Birmingham is in multiple hall's of fame, including the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame. In 1966, I took my yearbook and my then-girlfriend's yearbook to Coach Birmingham's desk for him to autograph. When I picked them up after class, my yearbook said "To a very sweet girl - Coach B". Though I never looked, my girlfriend's yearbook probably said something like "You should do OK in college if you cut out the grab-ass - Coach B."

I also ran into Gary Presley, a pioneer of Branson from when Presley's Mountain Music Theater and the Baldknobber's were the only two shows to choose from in Branson. Now there are a couple of hundred shows to choose from each year, from Acrobats of China to Yakov's Dinner Adventure. Presley's Music Theater is still my favorite.  Here is a link to Gary explaining how he came to be Herkimer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaZvMz-_L-4

One person I did not run into was our class president, Herschel Breig. Though he attended last year's reunion, Herschel had a previous commitment that conflicted with this year's reunion. The Federal Prison System has requested the honor of his presence for the next 5 years at it's minimum security facility in Montgomery, Alabama. Herschel is now inmate 43441-177. According to the newspaper article I found, Herschel was sentenced to 5 years in prison on June 15 after he pled guilty to diverting a million dollars in employee payroll taxes (give or take) from the Highland Medical Center in Lubbock, Texas. 

Will Rogers once said "Everybody is on a trip somewhere if they work for the Government. I wonder when the taxpayers take their trip."   Note to Will: You also get to go on a trip if you don't pay your taxes.

The Federal Prison Camp in Montgomery, Alabama is located on Maxwell Air Force Base. In 2009, the Montgomery Prison Camp made the list of the "Top 10 Cushiest Prisons in the U.S", where it was described as follows: "E-mail and on-site substance abuse treatment are available, as is a wide variety of occupational programs.  Montgomery's prisoners can, among other pursuits, study to become dog trainers or earn commercial driver's licenses."

To heck with being a dog trainer - after serving as our class president and now also serving time in a Federal prison camp, Herschel will have all the qualifications he needs to serve as Governor of Illinois!   Good luck to Herschel.   We missed you Saturday. 

With time off for good behavior Herschel may just make it to our 50 year class reunion.

Hillcrest High School Class of '66 Attendees at 2012 Reunion - Faculty and Spouses in Front Row

How Do I Love Thee, Summer? Let Me Count the Ways . . .

Though a string of 100 degree days can wear thin after awhile, doesn't it still beat freezing rain? 

It's time to sit back and count the blessings of warm (OK, extremely warm) weather.


1.  No colds, flu or bronchitis.

2.  The furnace doesn't make that funny sound.

3.  Firewood lasts longer.

4.  No scraping ice off the windshield.

5.  Long days.

6.  Night sounds in the country - owls, coyotes, crickets, frogs,  neighbors.

7.  Summer Olympics

No Time Wasted Layering Clothing

8.  Farmers markets

9.  Watermelon and home-made ice cream

10. Swimming when the water is warm

11. My coffee stays warm longer in the mornings.

12. Backyard BBQ's

13. The Chiefs and Rams still have a mathematical chance to make the Super Bowl.

14.  No need to layer clothing

15.  It doesn't matter if you can't afford a sauna.

16.  Road trips.

17. Outdoor exercise

18. AND, the St. Martin picnic - this Sunday - everyone invited - $10 - As long as you keep eating it,  they keep bringing it, after which you work on reason #17 to love summer some more.

What is the #1 reason YOU love summer?  Send an email to aboomer@embarqmail.co

I LOVE SUMMER!

 

Flying Like an Eagle, Landing Like a Stone

A news story caught my eye today as I was scanning The Weather Channel for the next chance of rain.  The headline was "WILD LANDING IN HOT AIR BALLOON".   You can check out that video at the following link:

http://www.digtriad.com/news/national/article/235987/175/5-In-Hot-Air-Balloon-Safe-After-Hard-Landing

Preparing for Lift-off

Cole County Landscape Covered in Early Morning Fog

That video brought back memories of a similar experience I had when I was lucky to scratch an item off my bucket list without a scratch.  My wife and son had secretly arranged for me to take a ride in a hot air balloon and had invited our whole neighborhood over to observe the lift-off.    Mother Nature had other plans.  Shortly after the hot air balloon crew arrived the sky grew dark and long, low rumbles of thunder were audible in the distance.  A check of the radar revealed our house was in no-man's land between a line of storms to the north and another line of storms to the south.  After checking several weather websites and calling the Columbia Regional Airport, the hot air balloon pilot decided it was not worth the risk.  "It is a lot better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here" he explained.  The flight was rescheduled for 6 AM the next morning.  Strangely, most of the neighbors were "busy" and couldn't make to our dawn lift-off. So it was that at 6:20 am the next morning, my son, his father-in-law Eugene, and I ascended gracefully into the sky in a yellow hot air balloon piloted by Captain Lane.

Looking for a Spot to Land Provided a Unique View
of a Cole County Water Tower

Below us, my son's wife Maria, his sister-in-law Beth, his mother-in-law Barb, and our neighbor Tom served as "chase cars."  The click of our camera's and the occasional roar of the propane flame providing the hot air to keep us aloft were the only sounds as we glided above the rolling landscape southwest of Jefferson City.  Off to the east the Capitol dome protruded above a sunlit layer of fog off the river.

At an altitude of 500 feet a northwest wind nudged us in the general direction of Brazito.  As the Captain began to look for a place to land, however, the wind changed and a sudden gust of wind from the southwest suddenly goosed our balloon back toward the southern edge of Jefferson City. 

Captain to Passengers:  We Are Coming In a Little Fast -
BRACE YOURSELVES!

Passing over the water tower Captain Lane maneuvered the balloon toward a vacant field adjacent to the Cole County fairgrounds.  As we neared the ground, what had seemed like a snail's pace aloft suddenly felt more like sprinter speed as we neared the ground.

"BRACE YOURSELF!  WE ARE COMING IN A LITTLE FAST!" warned Captain Lane.  What used to be the Great Central Lumber Company, protected by a barrier of utility poles, loomed dead ahead.

Any Landing You Can Walk Away From is a Good One

Then, as our basket was given a rude greeting by the top soil, we who had been perfectly happy viewing things vertically suddenly found ourselves viewing the landscape from a horizontal perspective.  My son served as an involuntary airbag for me as our wicker basket was dragged along the ground behind a balloon not yet ready to yield to the Law of Gravity.

Note the Look of Amazement on My Son's Face as he
Surveys Our Landing Zone

Not Even 8 AM and We've Already Survived a Crash Landing!

Later, my son's sister-in-law, Beth, would describe the landing like this:  "I saw you coming in pretty fast.  When you hit the ground I heard the basket make a loud "thunk" followed by an even louder "OOOMPH!" from inside the basket.  Then it took off again and landed again, which resulted in another "thunk" and another "OOOMPH!"  Then the balloon was dragging the basket along the ground on it's side while Jake from the ground crew ran behind trying to catch you."

As we skidded to a stop, basket on it's side, the four of us quickly scrambled out just as a wide-eyed jogger who had been running nearby approached us.  "Wow, was that a normal landing?" he asked.

"I've had worse!" replied Captain Lane.

My only regret is that no one recorded our landing on a video camera for posterity.  You can get a pretty good idea how it went if you just watch the video of this week's hard landing in Scottsdale. 

As I walked in the door at home bearing tales of a crash landing that grew worse with each telling, the Steve Miller Band was singing "Fly Like An Eagle" on the radio.  Fly like an eagle?"  Check!"  As for the landing . . . I am now a convert to the pilot's credo that "any landing you can walk away from is a good one!"



.

Admiring My Wife's Tomatoes



Photo of the sinister Tomato Worm taken by Mike Nowak

I just finished one of the more expensive meals I've ever eaten.  It wasn't at a fancy restaurant.  And no, it wasn't at some $500 a plate political fundraiser either.  In fact, the setting was casual enough that I dined without a shirt.  It was right in our own home and consisted of bacon, toast, cantaloupe, and four of the most expensive tomatoes (and best!) I've ever eaten.   Here is a run-down of how much the meal cost:

$2 - 8 oz of bacon & 4 slices of bread
$3.00 - 1 cantaloupe
$320 - 4 home-grown tomatoes
-------
$325 total cost ($161 per sandwich).

If the tomatoes seem expensive, the breakdown is as follows:

40 hours of labor at $7.25 an hour (min. wage)- $290.00, plus $30 for gardening supplies.  Thank goodness the tomato plants were given to us by my dad!  After a couple of months of tending and sheltering the plants from pests and disease, my wife harvested 4 tomatoes today!

Along the way, we became familiar with Manduca quinquemaculata - also known as the tomato hornworm (see picture above).  These hornworms have a voracious appetite and blend in with the tomato stem making them difficult to spot, especially the babies.  My wife dealt with them organically.  She picked them off, put them in a jar and I fed them to the fish in our pond.  The circle of life!  If allowed to feed unmolested these hornworms turn into a moth the size of a hummingbird.

After my wife got over worms, she got black bottom.   OK, not her.  Her tomatoes.  Black bottom, she discovered, occurs when the soil is calcium-deficient.  After she added calcium to the soil, her case of black bottom disappeared.

After much soul searching about when to harvest, I decided tonight was the night.  My decision was based on the fact that if we waited one more day and a raccoon harvested the tomatoes my wife would go from a case of black bottom to a severe case of "red ass".  It has been my experience that matrimonial bliss is severely lacking when she is afflicted with this common disease with which every married man can identify.

I have come to the conclusion that it is far cheaper to buy farm produce than try to grow it ourselves.  Gardening may be good for the soul but it is a rare gardener who becomes filthy rich working in the soil.   In fact, I tend to agree with Jim Hightower's observation that  “The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere.”

After we finished our sandwiches I complimented my wife on her crop.  "Is that a tick in your belly button?" she responded.  Further scrutiny revealed it was only a piece of lint.  "We'd best not take any chances" I replied.  "I've been working outside and you've been in your garden so we better check each other for ticks!"  City folks might call that a preventative health measure to avoid Lyme disease.  Country folks have another word for it:  foreplay.



2012 Tomato Crop as of July 11




Reflections on a Starry Night from Half-a-Lifetime Ago



1973 All-Star Game Program

The eyes of baseball fans everywhere will be on Kansas City Tuesday night.  Baseball's elite will suit up and take the field at Kauffman Stadium, aka "The K".  The last time the All-Star game was held in KC the stadium was known as Royals Stadium, and Ewing Kauffman, the man for whom it is now named, threw out the first pitch.  It was brand-new then - the crown jewel of baseball stadiums everywhere.  United Press International called it "the finest facility for the game ever erected."  That was in 1973, half  a lifetime ago.  I attended that All-Star game.  I didn't know what a bucket list was then, but attending an All-Star game would definitely have been on mine if I had.

It was an amazing time to live in Kansas City. Probably the best ever.  The Chiefs won the Super Bowl on January 11, 1970.  Kemper Arena and Hallmark's Crown Center opened in 1971.  Kansas City International airport and the Truman Sports Complex opened in 1972. 

Married on August 18, 1972, my new bride and I moved to KC where I started a new job with Allstate Insurance Co. on September 5.  My new office was located at 4800 E. 63rd Street in Kansas City, across the street from Swope Park.  Four years earlier members of my National Guard unit had camped out in Swope Park after being activated to quell race riots in KC in the wake of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King.  The small-town Springfield boy had officially moved to the big city.

On April 10, 1973, the Royals opened their brand-new stadium, just across a parking lot from also brand-new Arrowhead Stadium, with a 12-1 thrashing of the Texas Rangers.  On April 27, rookie pitcher Steve Busby threw a no-hitter against the Detroit Tigers.  On August 2, a rookie whose name wasn't even on the opening day roster got his first hit in the majors.  His name was George Brett.  He would rack up an additional 3,153 hits as a Royal before retiring in 1993.  Everything really was up-to-date in Kansas City.

I was in a remarkably good seat at the 1973 All-Star game thanks to my best friend at the time, Larry Stone.  If I had been so inclined I could have shaken hands with the stadium organist between songs.  Unfortunately, my most enduring memory of the game is being in an extra-long, extra-slow line at the concession stand when Johnny Bench homered.  The NL won the game 7-1.  In the 8th inning Willie Mays batted as a pinch-hitter.  It was Willie's 25th, and final, All-Star game.  Sparky Lyle struck the 42-year-old Mays out on 4 pitches.    I can still say I got to see the legendary Mays play in person.

Quite a bit has happened since July 24, 1973, the last time the All-Star game was held in Kansas City.  My friend who got me the tickets, Larry Stone, died of kidney disease in 1978.  (Note:  If you haven't yet done so, sign the organ donor authorization on the back of your driver's license).  LBJ died in 1973 and Monica Lewinsky was born in 1973.  Both influenced politics in the United States in their own special way.  I've still got the same wife and still work for the same company.  We've added a son, a daughter-in-law, and a couple of grandkids.  We lost both of my wife's parents and her older brother along the way. 

Baseball is still pretty much the same as it was in 1973, the year the designated hitter rule was added.   The the biggest change is player salaries.  In 1973, the average player salary was $36,500.  In 2011, it was $3.1 million.  I've heard it said that in 1973 the players were dumb and the owners were greedy, while today it's the other way around.

I'm sure I'll watch the game on TV and reminisce about when Royals Stadium and I were young.  As usual, I'll root for any players from the Royals and Cardinals.  I'll also root for Chipper Jones, 3rd baseman for the Atlanta Braves.  Born April 24, 1972, Chipper is the only player I could find on either roster who was alive the last time the All-Star game was in KC. 

Though a string of 100 degree days can wear a little thin after awhile, doesn't it still beat freezing rain?


It's time to sit back and count the blessings of warm (OK, extremely warm) weather.


1.  No colds, flu or bronchitis.

2.  The furnace doesn't make that funny sound.

3.  Firewood lasts longer.

4.  No scraping ice off the windshield.

5.  Long days.

6.  Night sounds in the country - owls, coyotes, crickets, frogs,  neighbors.

7.  Summer Olympics

No Time Wasted Layering Clothing

8.  Farmers markets

9.  Watermelon and home-made ice cream

10. Swimming when the water is just right!

11. Coffee stays hot longer

12. Backyard BBQ's

13. The Chiefs and Rams still have a mathematical chance to make the Super Bowl.

14.  No need to layer clothing

15.  It doesn't matter if you can't afford a sauna.

16.  Road trips.

17. Outdoor exercise

18. AND, the St. Martin's picnic - this Sunday - everyone invited - $10 - As long as you keep eating it,  they keep bringing it, after which you work on reason #17 to love summer some more.  Follow this link for more picnic details:

http://www.stmartinjc.org/picnic-flyer-2012.pdf

What is the #1 reason YOU love summer?  Send an email to aboomer@embarqmail.com

I LOVE SUMMER!

 

Sheriff Andy Taylor to Fans - I'm 10-24 (Assignment Completed)

A friend of mine stopped by to see me this week.  She was concerned that people in her neighborhood were shooting off fireworks even though the grass is so dry that a spark from a lawnmower blade started a fire that burned 48 acres near Higdon earlier this week.  "Common sense ain't all that common these days" she said.  No argument from me on that.

A man known for his common sense, albeit on the TV screen, died today.  Andy Griffith, best known as Sheriff Andy Taylor on The Andy Griffith Show (1960-1968) passed away this morning.  As a tribute to Andy I have compiled a few of my favorite dialogue's from his show.

Andy & Barney discussing personal finance:

Barney:  The last big buy was my mom's and dad's anniversary present.

Andy:  What'd ya get 'em?

Barney: A septic tank. Andy: For their anniversary? Barney:  They're awful hard to buy for.   Besides, it was something they could use. They were really thrilled. It had two tons of concrete in it. All steel reinforced. Andy:  You're a fine son, Barn. Aunt Bee to Andy: Aunt Bee: Did you like the white beans you had for supper? Andy: Uh huh. Aunt Bee: Well, you didn't say anything. Andy: Well, I ate four bowls. If that ain't a tribute to white beans, I don't know what is. Aunt Bee: Well... Andy: Eating speaks louder than words. Aunt Bee: You know, your education was worth every penny of it. Andy and Barney discussing the opposite sex: Barney: Nice guys finish last. I know, I went through it. Little Vickie Harms. I wasn't no bigger than Opie. I met her over by the ice cream parlor. Stepped outside one day with my raspberry snow cone, there she was. She just stopped me cold. Head to foot, I was just clammy all over. I knew it was love. Icy chills just run all over me. Andy: Sounds to me more like your snow cone was leaking. Barney: Boy I sure did like her. Andy: She didn't like you back, huh? Barney: Oh well no, it wasn't that so much. I don't know. It was mostly her stuck up attitude. Andy: Yeah? Barney: She used to walk around in long curls and print dresses and patented leather shoes and her nose up in the air. Boy she really thought she was hot stuff. Andy: Why? Barney: Oh her Daddy was in the civil service. Boy if I knew then what I know now. She used to do one thing that really used to burn me up. Andy: What was that. Barney: Well you know how I like snow cones... Andy: Raspberry. Barney: Right. Well there wasn't a day went by that I didn't offer that girl a bite of my snow cone. You know what she used to do every single time? Andy: What? Barney: She used to bite off the end, sip out all the syrup, and leave me with nothing but the ice. Andy: The ice? Barney: Yeah, the ice. Andy: That's terrible. Barney: Yeah. Andy: Today you'd know different. Barney: Oh are you kidding. Listen if I had a date with Vickie Harms today, and I got myself all shaved, and I went over to her house with my snow cone, you know what I'd do? Andy: What? Barney: The minute she opened that door, I’d bite off the end of the cone, sip out the syrup, and hand her the ice. What do you think of that? Andy: Well I'll tell you the truth, Barn. If I was Vickie Harms and a thirty-five year old man come up to my house with a snow cone in his hand, I wouldn't even answer the door. Andy discussing the wisdom of the ages with Floyd, the barber: Floyd, the barber: You know, everyone complains about the weather but nobody does anything about it. Calvin Coolidge said that. Andy  No, Floyd, that wasn't Calvin Coolidge that said that, it was Mark Twain. Floyd: Then what did Calvin Coolidge say?

Note:  I think he said "common sense ain't all that common." If The Andy Griffith Show was reproduced today the episodes would have to deal with different subjects.  Maybe, "Andy deals with the Occupy Mayberry protestors", or "Barney gets in trouble for arresting undocumented immigrants."    It would be interesting to see how Sheriff Taylor handled those situations with wisdom and common sense.  I don't look for that to happen soon.  Like Barney said, " "They don't do things that way anymore. This is the Age of Science Know-How, electronal marvels." Here is a song for you to start your July 4th holiday - the Andy Griffith Show theme song - sung by Andy Griffith himself.  I've probably watched every episode of that show and I honestly didn't know the theme song even had words. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PVUit1-0Ck R.I.P. Andy Griffith (June 1, 1926 - July 3, 2012)

Just Bend Over and Say "Ah"

I'm From the Government
and I'm Here to Help You!

My phone rang the other day. It was a strange voice - a computer-generated voice actually. It was calling on behalf of President Obama and Congress regarding the new health law recently declared constitutional by the Supreme Court as a humongous tax. The new health care law requires health insurers to provide “free” tests. That means if I am not paying for it, you are. The machine had some questions about my rear end, normally the domain of another government agency, the IRS.

"Is this Doug Reece?" it asked.

"Yes" I answered.

"To prove it's you, please speak your birth year" it instructed.

"Nineteen-forty-eight" I responded dutifully.

"I'm sorry. I didn't understand you. Please speak your birth year" it repeated.

"ONE-NINE-FOUR-EIGHT!" I said loudly. ("Who are you talking to?" hollered my wife from downstairs).

"Thank you" the machine said. "I notice you have not had a colonoscopy in the past 12 months. Is this correct?"

"YES!" I said. "I had one 3 years ago and the Doctor said I didn't need another one for at least 5 years."

"Have you had a colonoscopy in the last 12 months? Please say 'YES' or 'NO'  the machine repeated, ignoring my explanation.

"NO!" I answered. "I'd like to speak with a human!"

Ignoring my request, the machine continued it's assigned task. "Is this because you are scared of colonoscopies, a procedure in which a lighted, bendable tube is inserted into your rear end and maneuvered approximately 50 feet into your large intestine?" the machine continued.

"NO! I am not scared. I have had several" I said defensively.

"Are you worried about what the Doctor might find?" it asked anyway.

"NO!"

"Are you nervous about the preparatory procedure where you drink a gallon of foul-tasting liquid and spend 4-6 hours within arms-length of your toilet?"

"NO! I’d like to speak with a member of the human race!”

"Are you afraid the nurses might laugh when they see your rear end?” it continued. (Note - this might not be the exact verbiage used by the business-like, no nonsense machine).

After explaining a colonoscopy to me in detail (“some tests are a lot more comfortable than they used to be!”), the machine asked if it could send me health tips by email. Remembering the struggle the machine had recognizing my birth year, I knew I was in for another 30 minutes getting it to understand “aboomer@embarqmail.com”. I hung up. So far no SWAT team has appeared at my residence with a warrant for my arrest for sassing a government-sanctioned robot.

I don’t think that phase of the new law is scheduled for implementation until after the election.

P.S. - If you are over 50 and have not had a colonoscopy, please do so whether a robot calls you or not. It seems to be the patriotic thing to do.  Plus, it can save your life. If you don’t have a Doctor, I’d recommend my butt doctor, Dr. Rodney Atkinson (573-635-7651). You’ll sleep through the hole thing.

For a first-hand report on an actual a colonoscopy, I highly recommend this article by Dave Barry titled A journey into my colon - and yours.

http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html