Keeping the Milk of Human Kindness Flowing



The Honest Approach

Though it pales in comparison to larger cities, I've noticed an increase in panhandling in and around Jefferson City lately.  The other day a guy was standing by the WalMart exit with a sign that read "TRYING TO MAKE IT TO SOUTH DAKOTA OIL FIELDS - NEED $$."  I tried not to make eye contact and prayed the light would change soon.  My gut feeling is that any money I fork over to  panhandlers will be spent on what probably got them in trouble in the first place - booze or drugs.  Maybe not.  At least the guy in the picture to the left is being honest.


The kind of panhandler I avoid most is the hostile/aggressive type.  I encountered an intoxicated Native American in Winslow, Arizona once while waiting for my wife to come out of the rest area restroom.  "Hey, give me some money!" he demanded.  "No", I said politely.  "Awww, come on!  Give me a couple of bucks!"  "No", I repeated firmly.  "YOU'RE SO KIND!" he said loudly.  Just then, my wife came out of the john and approached the car.  "Is this your husband?"  the Indian asked my wife.  "Yes" she replied.  "HE'S SO KIND!" the Indian repeated.  As we drove away, the Indian kept hollering "YOU'RE SO KIND!"  Ah, that's the stuff vacation memories are made of.

I encountered my favorite panhandler of all-time on Times Square in Manhattan.  As my wife and son and I made our way in an elbow-to-elbow crowd, a black guy in a wheelchair caught my attention.  As I walked by, he politely asked "Would you like to make a contribution to the United Negro Pizza Fund?"  I didn't, but I've wished ever since then that I had.

In Akron, Ohio, a woman identified only as "Chrissie" is seeking public assistance to meet her needs.  She is standing on an Akron corner clad in a bikini.  If that wasn't enough to draw attention, she is holding a sign that says:  NOT HOMELESS - NEED BOOBS.  Chrissie is trying to raise $5,058 for breast implants - and it's working.  It's working so well that it has other area panhandlers grumbling.  Chrissie made $46 in her first two hours standing on the curb. 


Chrissie says she works as a bartender and makes enough money for food and lodging but not enough for a boob job.  To be perfectly honest, I think Chrissie looks fine just the way she is.  Nevertheless,  if I lived in Akron and passed Chrissie on the street I might kick in a few bucks (provided my wife wasn't with me).

According to Nelson Henderson, "The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit."    When you stop to think about it, I think this might fall into that category.