Trains and Planes and Automobile Haulers

It was picture day at Dandelions preschool where my four-year-old grandson attends.  I had the honor of accompanying him for his individual and class photo.  Arriving early, I was treated to a tour of his classroom and playground and introduced to his teacher, Miss Brittany.  I also got to attend story time, where I joined Gavin's energetic classmates in a semi-circle on the floor in front of Miss Brittany.

"You can sit on a chair if you prefer" said Miss Brittany.  I could tell she had her doubts I could ever get back up once I was seated on the floor.  No problem there.  I joined the wiggling mass on the floor.

The book of the day was Tough Chicks.  Sounds like a gang book but never fear - it took place in an agricultural setting.  It starred three baby chicks who got in trouble with the farmer for their mischievousness, but redeemed themselves by steering an out-of-control tractor away from the hen house and harmlessly into a mud hole.  Been there, done that.



Pre-class picture Dandelion Students

After the pictures, Gavin and I were free to write our own adventure story for the day.  I'll call it Grandpa and Gavin's Excellent Adventure.  First stop:  Rotary International's Centennial Park on the site of what was once a bridge over the Missouri River - an excellent place for train watchers like my grandson.

 

Centennial Park and Mo River Bridge Remnants

Trainwatchers Paradise

 

Then it was off to the Noren Access on the north side of the Missouri River where a keelboat or two of Lewis & Clark reenactors were due to arrive and camp for a day or two.  Although the camp had been set up and the advance team was waiting, the keelboats were still enroute from Boonville.  Up the ramp to the pedestrian bridge we went for a great view of the Capitol and the drought-diminished Missouri River.

 

After building up an appetite climbing the ramps to the bridge, Gavin and I headed to Nick's Family Restaurant at the airport for lunch and some plane-spotting.  As we dined on fried chicken we watched a few small planes arrive and depart.  Later we walked around the airport parking lot, eyes peeled for aircraft descending.  Not much aerial activity, but we did stumble onto something you don't see every day featuring another form of commercial transportation.  The driver of an 18-wheel car hauler had parked and was preparing to load 8 vehicles onto his trailer.  As we watched from a nearby curb, trailer ramps were adjusted, cars were carefully steered to the four spots aloft and securely fastened, and the top level was ready for transport.  Before loading the lower level the driver sent his assistant over to talk to us.

 

"Would your little boy like to honk the horn on the truck?"  That was a big 10-4.  Up a couple of large steps on the side of the truck to the driver's seat Gavin climbed. 

 

"Pull that lever" the driver instructed.  Gavin followed the instructions and a loud burst of sound from the airhorn followed.  After one more honk for good measure, Gavin and I retreated to the curb and watched the driver load four cars on the lower level before we buckled up and headed out, waving to the driver as we left.

 

"Grandpa" said Gavin.  "Do you know what I want to do when I grow up."

 

"No, what?" I asked.

 

"I want to drive one of those big trucks that hauls cars" he said.

 

No need for his mom and dad to thank me. 

 

Helping grandson's with career choices is just one of the many things grandpa's do.

 

 







1947 - It Was a Very Good Year!

On September 19, 1947, eighteen-year-old Robert Reece married seventeen-year-old Aunita Hood in Vinita, Oklahoma. The ceremony was delayed two hours because the groom's parents car broke down in Joplin, Mo. on the way from Springfield, Mo. to the wedding. Today Robert and Aunita, my parents, are celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary.

Here is a snapshot of the world these newlyweds faced in 1947:

Harry Truman was President.

The National Debt was $258 billion dollars, down from $269 billion in 1947.

A new house cost $6,600 and a new car was $1,300.

A loaf of bread was 13 cents and a postage stamp was three cents.

The first VW Beetle arrived in the U.S. and Jackie Robinson became the first African American to play Major League baseball. President Truman became the first president to address the nation on TV and Meet the Press first aired.  The CIA was established and Air Force test pilot Chuck Yeager became the first person to break the speed of sound.

Nolan Ryan, Mitt Romney, Elton John, Dave Barry, Stephen King, & Hillary Clinton were born. Al Capone, Bugsy Siegel, Henry Ford, Josh Gibson and the famous race horse Man o' War died.

Polaroid introduced the first "instant" camera, Goodrich introduced the first tubeless tire and the transistor was invented. The movie Best Years of Our Lives won the Academy Award for "Best Picture".

Today my parents celebrate sixty-five of the "best years of their lives" together.

It hasn't all been smooth, but I'm certain having two sons that never caused them a moment's trouble made it easier.

Oh, yeah. On July 7, 1947 a UFO was reportedly found near Roswell, New Mexico. I'm not sure that the events are related, but O.J. Simpson turned up 2 days later.

One other important 1947 event - when I Googled "when was I conceived", and provided my date-of-birth, it said I was conceived "on or about December 18, 1947".

My Dad always did like to open Christmas presents early.

Happy Sixty-fifth Anniversary to the best parents I've ever had!

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

A Purple Plate of Plump Prawns Pleases the Palate

It was slightly overcast with a temperature in the low 60's when my neighbor, Rich, and I headed down N highway east of Centertown to help a friend, Jesse, with his harvest this morning. It was unlike any other harvest I had ever witnessed.

In June,  Jesse had dumped 8000 dime-sized prawns into a special pond he constructed to grow fresh water prawn. Though the goal is for the prawn to get as big as possible, it is important to harvest the them before the water temperature falls below 60 degrees, the minimum temperature needed for the prawns to survive.

At 4:45 AM Sunday morning Jesse had placed two traps in a narrow spillway below the pond and opened the floodgate to drain the pond. When Rich and I arrived, several friends and neighbors were observing the operation and kids were playing in the deep mud that had been covered by pond water only a few hours earlier.

As the traps filled with shrimp, the front trap was removed, emptied onto a scale, and the shrimp were weighed and then placed in clean water. That trap was then placed back in the spillway and the process repeated with the second trap. Last year Jesse purchased 4000 baby prawns and harvested 243 pounds of adult prawns. This year he hoped to double that production with several restaurants already having ordered 100 lbs each.

As the water drained, Jesse and another friend got on opposite sides of the pond and dragged a seine through the remaining water to herd the prawns to the spillway. It is not an easy job keeping your balance in the mud while walking slowly along the steep banks from one end of the pond to the other, but it paid off with more traps filled with large prawns. Behind the men with the seine the kids played in the mud and caught straggler prawn with dip nets. Meanwhile, Jesse's friends and neighbors visited while watching the process. Many seem to share my sentiment that they were not afraid of hard work and could watch it for hours.

I had to leave before the harvest was completed but a couple of hours later I got a call from Rich. The harvest had netted 278 pounds of prawn and one unlucky bullfrog. At an approximate weight of 3 ounces each, I figure around 1500 of the original 8000 baby prawn survived to be harvested. Not bad, I suppose, but not enough to fill the orders for fresh prawn from area restaurants. And a little disappointing since only 4000 baby prawn had resulted in a harvest of 243 pounds of adult prawn last year.

Prawn farming is rife with perils. Improper water pH or temperature or predators can sharply reduce a harvest. Even other prawns can reduce a harvest since they are territorial and will try to kill any prawns that invade their territory. Birds, snakes and even our State amphibian all love a tasty meal of freshwater prawns.

"What is our State amphibian?" you might ask. It's the American Bullfrog, whose deep throaty call is described on the Secretary of State's website as "jug-of-rum, jug-of-rum".

That may be the same call Jesse puts out after his 2012 prawn harvest.

Memorable Movie Madness - Final Installment

Today is the final blog on the funniest movie lines of all time, unless someone decides to offer up a few that I have omitted.  I'll begin with the 1994 movie Dumb and Dumber, starring Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels.  The movie is described as "the cross-country adventures of two good-hearted but incredibly stupid friends.  Lloyd (Jim Carey) becomes infatuated with the beautiful and sophisticated Mary Swanson (Lauren Holly).  In the following scene, Lloyd asks Mary to level with him on his chances with her:


Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary: Well, Lloyd, that's difficult to say. I mean, we don't really...
Lloyd: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.
[pause]
Lloyd: So you're telling me I've got a chance... YEAH!

Later, when Mary introduces him to her husband, a disappointed Lloyd responds:

Lloyd: Husband? Wait a minute... what was all that 'one in a million' talk?

When Harry (Jeff Bridges) has girlfriend problems, he confides in his buddy Lloyd:

Harry: Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

Harry then gets a wandering eye. 

[man and woman walk by] Harry: Ooh, look at the buns on that one...
Lloyd: Yeah, he must work out.

The Graduate (1967), starring Dustin Hoffman (as Benjamin) and Katherine Ross as his girlfriend, isn't really thought of as a comedy by most people.  It did have some hilarious lines, like in the following scene after Benjamin's girlfriend's mother (played by Anne Bancroft) seduced him:

Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, I just can't do this anymore.
Mrs. Robinson: You what?
Benjamin: This is all terribly wrong.
Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable?
Benjamin: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents friends. I mean that!

In the 2000 hit Oh Brother, Where Art Thou, prison escapees Delmar O'Donnell (Tim Blake Nelson) and  Pete Hogwallop (John Turturro) get baptized, but are disillusioned after fellow escapee Everett McGill (George Clooney) explains they are still wanted by the law:

Pete: The preacher said it absolved us.
Everett McGill: For him, not for the law. I'm surprised at you, Pete. I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar.
Delmar O'Donnell: But they was witnesses that seen us redeemed.
Everett McGill: That's not the issue Delmar. Even if that did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi's a little more hard-nosed.

In the 1983 nostalgic holiday movie, Christmas Story, Flick succumbs to a double dog dare and sticks his tongue on the frozen flagpole at the school.  After emergency responders finally free Flick, the teacher confronts the class:
 
Miss Shields: Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this (sticking his tongue to the flagpole), but he refuses to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.

Ralphie as adult, narrating: Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew dam well it was always better not to get caught.

If you've never seen the fairy tale come to life named Princess Bride (1987), I highly recommend it.  Though I initially resisted seeing it based solely on the name of the movie, I finally relented.  It's now one of my favorite movies of all time.  Per Wikipedia, the movie combines comedy, adventure, fantasy, romance and fairy tale.  It bens with a grandfather (Peter Falk) reading a book to his sick grandson, Fred Savage:

Grandson:  A book?
Grandpa:  That's right.  When I was your age, television was called books.  And this is a special book.  It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father.  And today I'm going to read it to you.
Grandson:  Does it have any sports in it?
Grandpa:  Are you kidding?  Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles . . .
Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad.  I'll try to stay awake.
Grandpa:  Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you.  Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

I could go on and on, but I'll end this series with some memories from the 1994 classic, Forrest Gump.   Here are some of my favorite lines from the movie:

Momma always said "Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get!"

Stupid is as stupid does.

Jenny taught me to climb (trees) and I taught her to dangle.

Mama always had a way of explaining things so I could understand them.

(referring to Apple Computer):  Lt. Dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company.  So then I got a call from him saying we don't have to worry about money no more.  And I said, that's good!  One less thing.

With iPhone 5 being introduced this week, I hope Forrest held onto his Apple stock.  And, after 4 blogs on funny movie lines, one final line from Forrest Gump seems appropriate:

And that's all I've got to say about that.

 




  
 

Memorable Movie Madness - Installment III

This is installment III of some of the all-time funniest movie lines. I've tried to keep the quotes G- or PG-rated. It is harder to do that than I thought it would be. Today's blog begins with a scene from the 1992 movie My Cousin Vinny, one of my favorite movies. A brash, but inexperienced, New York lawyer (Joe Pesci) and his sexy street-wise girlfriend, Marisa Tomei, travel to Alabama to defend a relative charged with murder:



Mona Lisa Vito: (Vinny looks at her funny) What?

Vinny Gambini: Nothing. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.

Mona Lisa Vito: Me? What about you?

Vinny Gambini: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.

Mona Lisa Vito: Oh yeah, you blend.


From Knocked Up (2007), a hilariously profane but pro-life movie, comes the following scene:

Alison Scott: I hope your apartment's big enough for the three of us.
Ben Stone: Oh it definitely is. That's why I got one in East LA - the rent. It's HUGE. The only thing is we have to decide if we're gonna be Crips or Bloods before we get there.
Alison Scott: Well, I look good in red.


　

In the 1984 classic movie Ghostbusters, when a sexy Sigourney Weaver becomes possessed, Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) tries to keep their relationship strictly on a professional basis:


Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people.
[Dana starts passionately making out with him]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule...


Since no collection of funny movie quotes would be complete without a fart joke, here's one from the 1997 movie starring Mike Myers as Austin Powers - International Man of Mystery:


Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me.
Austin Powers: I'm sorry I didn't realize it was your turn.



From American Pie (1999):


Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Friends call me Nova as in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez you don't have to laugh at me.


From American Graffiti (1973), an underage Terry Fields (portrayed by Charles Martin Smith) attempts to buy booze without an ID:


Terry Fields: Let me have a Three Musketeers, and a ball point pen, and one of those combs there, a pint of Old Harper, a couple of flash light batteries and some beef jerky.
Barman: Okay, you got an I.D. for the liquor?
Terry Fields: Oh, umm, yeah. Oh, nuts, I left it in the car.
Barman: Sorry. You'll have to get it before I can sell it.
Terry Fields: Well, I... I also... I forgot the car.



From Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986):

Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.

　

From Scrooged (1988), with Bill Murray as Scrooge-like TV exec Earl Cross:


Earl Cross: All day long, I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work... 'My back hurts,' 'my legs ache,' 'I'm only four!' The sooner he learns life isn't handed to him on a silver platter, the better!


From the 2003 flick Elf, with Will Ferrell portraying Buddy, the world's largest elf:


Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?
Buddy: I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite



Peter Falk portrayed CIA agent Vince Ricardo in the 1979 movie The In-laws.  Here is Vince trying to recruit his son's new father-in-law for the CIA:


Vince Ricardo: Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefit program.



One of my son's favorite movies is Swingers, the story of a couple of young, would-be ladies men. Here is a scene where one discusses his audition for a job at Disneyland:


Rob: Why does it have to be Goofy? Why couldn't it be Mickey? Mickey's an icon.
Mike: What do want? You're tall.

[Later, explaining why he was turned down for the part of Goofy]
Rob: They went with someone who had more theme-park experience.


The Grinch that stole Christmas (2000):


The Grinch (Jim Carey): What's that stench? It's fantastic.

　

From Garden State (2004):


Carol: Oh... guys? Don't stay in here all day. I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector; it was beeping all night


My Big Fat Greek Wedding  (2002):


Ian Miller (the groom): How do you say "thank you" in Greek?
[New brother-in-law Nick tells him a Greek phrase: "Oréa viziá."]
Ian Miller: "Oréa viziá."[English translation] Nice boobs.


From True Lies (1994), with Arnold Swartzeneger as Harry:

Harry: Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.

　

Amy Yasbeck as Peggy Brandt in the 1994 movie The Mask:   Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.

In the 1990 movie I Love You to Death, a mother advises her daughter Rosalie on hiring a hit-man to kill her daughter's philandering husband, Joey:


Devo Nod (Rosalie's friend, portrayed by River Phoenix): How much can we pay?
Rosalie Boca: As much as we have to.
Nadja (Rosalie's mother): Yeah, you know, not too much. Try for discount.

After husband Joey survived the attempt on his life, he philosophized:

Joey Bacca: When somebody shoots you in the head it makes you think.

Tomorrow, the fourth (and final) installment of memorable movie madness quotes.

Memorable Movie Madness - Part II

After yesterday's blog on the funniest movie lines of all time, I received two requests - both of them were for quotes from Christmas Vacation (1989).  In that movie, Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), has all the relatives to his house to celebrate Christmas with predictably disastrous results.  Clark's cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) arrived with his family in a giant RV which he parked in Clark's driveway so he could empty the toilet into the nearby sewer.  The first scene finds Clark & Eddie in Clark's driveway:

Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?
Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?
Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway.
[Raises glass to his mouth]
Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.
[Clark nearly chokes on his drink]

During the small chat, cousin Eddie had the following question:

Eddie: Your company kill all them people in India not too long ago?
Clark: No, we missed out on that one.

And finally, on Christmas Eve Clark alerted the kids to Santa's arrival:

Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on its way in from New York City.
Cousin Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?

In Raising Arizona (1987), ex-con Nicholas Cage and his wife, ex-cop Holly Hunter have difficulty conceiving a child ("Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.")  So . . . they decided to kidnap one of the five new-born quintuplets of furniture tycoon Nathan Arizona ("I think I got the best one!")  During the investigation, police had the following narrative with Mr. Arizona:

Policeman:  Do you have any disgruntled employees?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I ain't running no damn daisy farm. My motto is "Do it my way or watch your butt!" 

In the 1973 movie Paper Moon, Ryan O'Neill portrayed a Depression-era con man named Moses Pray traveling with his real-life daughter Tatum O'Neill, portraying Addie Loggins.  At age 10, Tatum became the youngest person to ever win an Oscar (Best Supporting Actress) for her role in Paper Moon.

Moses Pray: I got scruples too, you know. You know what that is? Scruples?
Addie Loggins: No, I don't know what it is, but if you got 'em, it's a sure bet they belong to somebody else!

In the 1972 movie Heartbreak Kid, Charles Grodin was a newlywed on his honeymoon when he met and was smitten by the amazingly gorgeous Cybill Shepherd.  That resulted in the following hilarious (unless you were his new bride) dialogue between he and Cybill:

"Here’s the deal. The marriage is off. It was just one of those dumb things I rushed into like joining the army, except this time I’m not gonna wait around three years to get out. I had my doubts in Virginia, I was pretty sure in Georgia, you have really settled things for me in Florida. I’ve been waiting for a girl like you all my life. I just timed it wrong. Here’s the plan. I’m definitely getting out. I just have to figure a way to let her down easy. It kinda complicates things this being our honeymoon and everything."

And, to conclude today's blog, here is a scene between Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) and Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) on the different types of women:

Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally Albright: I don't see that.
Harry Burns: You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. "On the side" is a very big thing for you.
Sally Albright: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry Burns: I know; high maintenance.

Sally then further solidified her "high maintenance" rating with the following exchange:

Sally Albright: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real; if it's out of the can then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie?
Sally Albright: No, I want the pie, but then not heated.

And, finally, one of the most famous movie quotes of all time after Sally proves decisively to Harry that she can fake an orgasm in a deli:

Older Woman Customer at next table [to waiter]: I'll have what she's having.

Memorable Movie Madness - Part I

At the suggestion of my friends, Steve & Steve, I have accepted the challenge of producing a blog of the funniest lines ever said in the movies.  As I began my task, I realized that producing a blog of funny movie lines would not be a challenge.  Limiting it to a single blog would be a nearly impossible.  Therefore, today's blog will be the first of several featuring (mostly) hilarious lines from the movies.  If you have a favorite line that I overlook after this series of blogs, by all means email it to me.

Here is the first installment of memorable movie lines:

Airplane (1980) – Elaine Dickinson (Julie Hagerty)

"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your
flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?”

Airplane (1980) - Barbara Billingsley (Beaver Cleaver's TV mother) to stewardess who is having a hard time understanding two jive-speaking passengers:

"Stewardess - I speak jive!"


Steel Magnolias (1989) – Truvy (Dolly Parton)
“Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face.”


Animal House (1978) – Dean Wormer (John Vernon)

“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”


City Slickers (1991) - Mitch Robbins (Billy Crystal)

“Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place.”


She Done Him Wrong (1933) – Lady Lou (Mae West)

“When women go wrong, men go right after them.”


Patch Adams (1998) – Patch Adams (Robin Williams)

“If we bury you ass up, I’ve got a place to park my bike”.


My Little Chickadee (1940) – Cuthbert J. Twillie (W.C. Fields)

“During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were
compelled to live on food and water for several days.”


Naked Gun 33 ½ : The Final Insult (1994) – Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)

“Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.”


Fiddler on the Roof (1971) – Tevye (Topol)

“I know, I know. We are your chosen people. But once in a while can't you choose
someone else?”


Adam's Rib (1949)  - Kip Lurie (David Wayne)

"Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called in-breeding. From this comes idiot children . . . and other lawyers." 


There's Something About Mary (1998) Mary's Step-father (Keith David), after Mary's prom date gets a body part stuck in the zipper of his pants in their bathroom:

"Is is the frank or the beans?" 


The Producers (1968)  Franz Liebkind (Kenneth Mars)

"Not many people know it, but the Führer was a terrific dancer." 


Wayne's World (1992) Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers)

"I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored." 


The Blues Brothers  (1980) Elwood (Dan Aykroyd)

"They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God."


Tootsie (1982)  Michael Dorsey (Dustin Hoffman)
 
I don't believe in hell.  I believe in unemployment, but not hell.


Napoleon Dynamite (2004)  Pedro (Efren Ramirez)

"Vote for me and all your wildest dreams will come true."


The Jerk (1979) Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin)

"For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex." 


Three Amigos (1986)  Rosita (Benita Marti) to Dusty Bottoms (Chevy Chase)

Rosita: I was thinking later, you could kiss me on the veranda.

Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine.

 

The 50 Funniest Movies of All Time

After being challenged by my friends, Steve and Steve, to do a blog on the funniest movie lines of all-time, I decided to go back and review the funniest movies I've ever seen. This can be a moving target. The first time I saw Christmas Story I didn't care for it. I think I was in a bad mood. Now I watch it every Christmas and laugh every time I hear "You'll shoot your eye out!"

Go figure.

But here goes - the 50 funniest movies of all time. To me. I'm sure you have your own list, and there are probably some I've forgotten. Enough stalling. Here goes;

50. Raising Arizona ( 1987)

49. Knocked Up (2007)

48. Nine to Five (1980)

47. M*A*S*H (1970)

46. City Slickers (1991)

45. Ghostbusters (1984)

44. Porky's (1982)

43. Austin Powers - International Man of Mystery

42. The Jerk (1979)

41. Three Amigos (1986)

40. Midnight Run (1988)

39. Tootsie (1982)

38. American Pie (1999)

37. American Graffiti (1973)

36. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1963)

35. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

34. Scrooged (1988)

33. Animal House (1978)

32. Elf (2003)

31. The In-Law's (1979)

30. Swingers (1996)

29. Cat Ballou (1965)

28. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

27. Garden State (2004)

26. Blazing Saddles (1974)

25. The Heartbreak Kid (1972)

24. Airplane! (1980)

23. The Blues Brothers (1980)

22. Beetlejuice (1988)

21. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

20. Wayne's World (1992)

19. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

18. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

17. Father of the Bride (1991)

16. True Lies (1994)

15. Friendly Persuasion (1956)

14. Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid (1969)

13. The Mask (1994)

12. Shrek (2001)

11. Big (1988)

10. The Graduate (1967)

9. There's Something About Mary (1998)

8. Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

7. I Love You to Death (1990)

6. Ruthless People (1986)

5. Dumb & Dumber (1994)

4. My Cousin Vinny (1992)

3. Christmas Story (1983)

2. Princess Bride (1987)

1. Forrest Gump (1994)

There you have it - my top 50 favorite funny movies. At least the ones I can remember. I think a lot of it depends on the mood I was in when I saw the movie. Sometimes I agree with William Davis when he said "The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes." Other times I agree with Mel Brooks. Mel distinguished between tragedy and comedy as follows: "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."


Next up - looking for the funniest lines ever.

　

Lunch at the Southside Cafe

I've got a couple of buddies I have lunch with every couple of months.  Their names are Steve, and my other buddy, Steve.  I met them today at the Southside Cafe, a relatively new place here in Jefferson City.  The Steve's are sports encyclopedia's.  Actually, now that I think about it, "encyclopedia" is outdated.  After 244 years, the Encyclopedia Britannica is no longer being published.  Now you have to go to Britannica.com.  Consider these guys "Sport's Wikipedia's".   They can recall minute details of basketball, baseball and football games from the 50's and 60's easier than I can remember what I had for breakfast.

After rehashing the current sports scene around Missouri, the subject changed to this blog. 

"Why don't you" asked my buddy Steve, "do a blog on the funniest movie lines of all time!"

"Yeah!" said my other buddy Steve.  "Remember Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" when the posse had Butch and Sundance trapped on a bluff overlooking the river and Sundance was scared to jump?"  I did remember that.  Very well, in fact.  In case you don't, here is the dialogue as Butch tries to convince Sundance to jump:
 
Butch Cassidy: Alright. I'll jump first.
Sundance Kid: No.
Butch Cassidy: Then you jump first.
Sundance Kid: No, I said.
Butch Cassidy: What's the matter with you?
Sundance Kid: I can't swim.
Butch Cassidy: Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you!

That's one of my favorite movie quotes of all time.  Can it really be from 1969?  I didn't know her at the time, but my bride of 40 years graduated from High School in 1969.  Another classic scene from the movie pretty much sums up what I was looking for when I met my future wife:

Sundance Kid: Well, I think I'll get saddled up and go looking for a woman.
Butch Cassidy: Good hunting.
Sundance Kid: Shouldn't take more than a couple of days. I'm not picky. As long as she's smart, pretty, and sweet, and gentle, and tender, and refined, and lovely, and carefree...

These days she reminds me more of the woman who was irritated to be on a train being robbed by Butch & Sundance:

Woman: Start this train!
Sundance Kid: Get back inside there, lady. 
Woman: Oh, I'm not afraid of you, I'm not afraid of anything! I'm a grandmother and a female and I've got my rights. You can bull all the others, but you can't bull me! I've fought whiskey and I've fought gambling and I can certainly fight you!

And then there was the classic scene when outlaw Harvey Logan challenged a reluctant Butch Cassidy to a fight to determine who would lead the Hole-in-the-Wall gang:
 
Harvey Logan: Guns or knives?
Butch Cassidy: Neither?
Harvey Logan: Pick!
Butch Cassidy: I don't want to shoot with you, Harvey.
Harvey Logan: [draws a big knife] Anything you say, Butch.
[Butch walks over to Sundance]
Butch Cassidy: [in a low voice] Maybe there's a way to make a profit in this. Bet on Logan.
Sundance Kid: I would, but who'd bet on you?
Harvey Logan: Sundance, when we're done and he's dead, you're welcome to stay.
Butch Cassidy: [low voice, to Sundance] Listen, I don't mean to be a sore loser, but when it's done, if I'm dead, kill him.
Sundance Kid: [low voice to Butch] Love to.
[waves to Harvey and smiles]
Butch Cassidy: No, no, not yet. Not until me and Harvey get the rules straightened out.
Harvey Logan: Rules? In a knife fight? No rules!
[Butch immediately kicks Harvey in the groin]
Butch Cassidy: Well, if there aint' going to be any rules, let's get the fight started. Someone count. 1,2,3 go.
Sundance Kid: [quickly] 1,2,3, go!
[Butch knocks Harvey out]
Flat Nose Curry: I was really rooting for you, Butch.
Butch Cassidy: Well, thank you, Flatnose. That's what sustained me in my time of trouble.

Pick out my all-time movie lines?  That's a great idea.  Also a big task.  Before I choose my favorite all-time movie lines I've got to select my favorite all-time comedy movies.  And that's what I'll do for the next blog.  Be thinking about your favorite funny movie's and classic lines. 

Next up:  my all-time favorite comedy movies.

But right now, I'm going to do something I haven't done in quite awhile around here . . . go watch it rain.